Building a Strong Marriage: Happiness Isn't the Goal in Marriage

When the wedding is over, and the guests go home, married-life starts.

Many of my friends, including myself, are or were military wives. We know homecomings, military balls, ceremonies, and mandatory fun events are not the whole of our marriage. These happy times are mixed in with the, well, the not so happy.  

At times it’s easy to love our spouse, and even a wonderful experience to do so, but other times…after kids, juggling schedules, dinner fails, a 60+ hour work week, pay cuts, hurtful words spoken intentional or unintentional, conflict of interests…well, sometimes things like that can make marriage a challenge. 

But that’s ok. We want to build and strengthen something worth fighting for, something worth our time and energy, even if it’s a challenge. Marriage is worth that challenge. Anything God ordains is worth that challenge.

One of the ways we begin to strengthen our marriage is by shifting the focus off of our happiness. Yes, happiness is great and all, but if it’s at the expense of someone else’s happiness, is it even true happiness? Wow, that just got philosophical! 

I argue that a self-seeking pursuit of happiness is not happiness at all, but selfishness. Yes, we have needs, even wants, but by transferring our focus to our spouse and their happiness…well, something close to magic happens…we find happiness—actually, contentment, which is FAR GREATER than happiness. It’s deeper, heartier, full of substance and value, whereas happiness changes on a whim, based on our current situation.

If happiness isn’t the goal of marriage, what is?

That’s a whole other blogpost my friends, but to sum it up, a purpose, but most definitely not the sole purpose of marriage, is to make us into better people as we serve each other in love, putting the other before ourselves. 

How do we do this? How do we stop focusing on happiness as our sole goal in marriage?

   

         1) Think about your spouse. Write down the things they enjoy. What are their goals? What makes them feel loved? Perhaps ask them these things in order to find out, or observe them more often.

Keep this list, and work to meet those goals and do those things that make your spouse feel loved. I HIGHLY recommend learning your spouse’s love language. Check out The 5 Love Languages, and The 5 Love Language: Military Edition.

    

      2) Pray for your spouse. Make a list of things to pray about for them. Here are some suggestions to get started:

• Pray for their relationship with God to continue to grow.
• Pray that love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control overflow in and out of their lives. 
•  Pray for wisdom in the decisions they have to make at work and in the family.
• Pray for them to get the rest they need at night so they are able to get through the work week.
• Pray for their self-image—that they would see themselves the way God sees them.
• Pray for their spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical protection.

Remember, happiness is great, but there’s so much more to marriage that’s worth our time in pursuing--like each other. 

Helping Kids Cope with Deployment

September 11th means many things to Americans--many things we aren't even able to put into words.

It's been 14 years.

Doesn't seem like it.

I've often thought it strange that my children cannot remember a time when our country hasn't been at war, nor do they quite grasp why their Daddy has had to be gone for long periods of time to fight the bad guys.  So today, Dear Readers, we have a special Guest Blogger & Army Wife who is going to talk with us about helping our kids cope with deployment. We want to honor our brave men and women who keep our country safe, and support their families with all the love and encouragement we can muster.

Welcome, Julie Provost!

~   ~   ~

Helping Kids Cope with Deployment

My oldest son was only about 2 years old when his Dad deployed for the first time. By the time my husband deployed for the 2nd time he was 4 and his little brother was 2. By our 3rd deployment my boys were 6, 4 and 2.5 months old. Then the 4th they were 8, 6 and 2.

As I look back over the years I can see how each time they handled the deployment a little differently. This is normal because different kids in different ages tend to do that. Some kids can handle deployments better than others. Sometimes it is because of their personality, but sometimes it is because of their age and how much they can understand.

There is a lot you can do as the Military spouse to help your children cope during a deployment. If you have a small baby, one who can’t even talk yet, you might just keep sharing photos with them. Some people will laminate them and put them up in the nursery. Just so your baby sees their Dad and gets used to his face.

For a toddler or preschoolers it might get a little more difficult. They might not be able to explain to you how they are feeling about the issue but they might act out a little more because they are missing their other parent. It is best to keep that in mind as you go through your day. Try to set up Skype chats if you can and just be there to help them through it.

When your kids get a little older and can understand what the word “war” and “Army” means you can sit down with them and have conversations about it. You can check in with them about how they are doing and what they might be worried about. Have them help you with care packages and have them talk to their Dad as often as possible. Just let them know that you understand how hard it is for them.

You can do some fun activities around the house that might help them through it. Have a chain of deployment days. Put up pictures of your spouse. Have them help make the homecoming posters. Get them excited when you know it is coming to an end.

Remember to pray with your kids for Daddy every night. Pray for his safety and the safety of his Company, Unit and the whole Army. It can be a good way for kids to get used to praying for others too.

There isn’t a lot you can do to change the fact that your spouse will be deployed when they are in the Military. It happens and could happen more often than you would like. But, you can be there for your kids and get them through the separations. You can be the person that they can always go to when they are feeling too sad about it. You can help them cope.

Tweet: "There is a lot you can do as the #MilitarySpouse to help your children cope during a #deployment." http://ctt.ec/4Uc1o+

Julie is a blogger & social media addict living in Tennessee. She has been married for 13 years to her National Guard Soldier and has three boys, 10, 8 & 4. You can find her at Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life and on Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest & Instagram.

RELATED POSTS:
All Because of One Woman: A Mother, Wife, Author, Speaker Point of View
5 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage: Building Intimacy, Not Walls
Loving My Soldier: Hindsights & Insights of PTSD
Army Wife Tips


ABOUT HANNAH: 
Hannah Conway is a military wife, mother of two, and speaker. Her novels are a deployment experience of their own, threaded with faith, and filled with twists and turns sure to thrill, and encourage. Hannah is a member of the American Christian Fiction Writers, and My book Therapy. She and her family live in Tennessee

( A / IBook /BN / K )

CLICK the Links Below The Image to Download Your eCopy of WEDDING A WARRIOR! 

The Journal & the Journey: The One Who Knows the Way

Not too long ago, I stumbled on an old diary at a flea market. The journal year? 1888.

Wow!

What a treasure for a history lover like myself. Of course I bought it, then struggled whether or not to read it. I wouldn't want a stranger snooping through my journal! Friends assured me no moral dilemma existed considering the age of the document, and we were all curious, so...well, we read it. :)

To our amusement and utter awe, Sierra Hunt, the writer, described her life, and it's simple, often mundane tasks. With her words, this young teen, transported us back in time. Glorious experience!

Not much changed from Sierra's day to day routine. School, fetching water, helping Ma in the kitchen. On Sunday she walked to church. She made mention of the weather, social gatherings, a family friend getting ill, and visitors. At times, she seemed frustrated by her simple life, and skipped several days in the journal --a sad thing for all of us reading.

Sierra had grown used to her life, and it's routine. I found myself able to relate well this young lady of the past. For years I've stayed at home with my children, raising them, and moving from state to state with the military. At times the life set before me seemed so rote, and blah. Even as a 21st century grown woman, I understand Sierra's century old teenage rant.

So we continued to flipped through the journal, thoroughly enjoying each entry, until it stopped mid sentence.

She wrote on July 6, 1888: "Warm & Pleasant. I worked for Mrs. Struthers this forenoon. Sewed some. Scottie [her brother] and I went up and got the "

And that's it. Nothing more. We're left wondering where she and Scottie went, what they were doing, and what ever happened to Sierra. Did she finish school? Get married? So many unknowns!

If our lives were a journal, how many unknowns would we have?

For me, plenty.

We don't know what tomorrow brings, or what our future holds when our paths in life change. We're on this journey, and our journals are filled with unknowns.

But God knows. He knows what happened to Sierra, and I intend to ask him one day. He knows the paths our lives will take, and we can trust Him with all our unknowns. All of them -- the career choices, parenting tips, finances, the good & the bad of it all. I'm learning this day by day as I transition into a new phase of life with my hubby retired from the Army, and my youngest starting school.

A new path doesn't have to equal uncertainties when we are certain of The One guiding us.


"And whenever you turn to the right or two the left, your ears will hear this command behind you -- this is the way, walk in it." Isaiah 30:21

Many blessings, and a journey full of joy for all of you.

Click to Tweet: "A new path doesn't have to equal uncertainties when we are certain of The One guiding us." ~Author @hannahrconway http://ctt.ec/6IC6h+

3 Steps to Finding the Grace to Chase a Dream by Cara Putman

Hello Dear Readers! Today we welcome Award Winning Author Cara Putman! Cara has some great advice to share with us today & will be giving away a copy of her novel, Stars in the Night. Enter to win below!


Without further ado, let's give Cara a warm welcome!



 

~    ~    ~

ONCE there was a 14-year-old who quickly realized her favorite authors simply could not write books fast enough. Because she was young, she decided she could write books, too. Her mother smiled and allowed her to write as part of her English. Slowly two novels grew on an old computer, paragraph by paragraph, page by page. She loved creating ideas, research, writing. The process delighted her soul, and she wondered if she’d found what she was created to do.

        Then life got busy. College, a career. A husband and a family. Writing was pressed to the perimeter of her life by the busyness of a full life.

                Most days it was enough.

                But some days, the whisper to write became a roaring ache to try. When this occurred, this girl grown into a woman would take the dream to God, hold it in open hands, and ask Him if this was His dream for her. If not, show her so she could kill the dream and focus on His will for her life.

                In due time, He announced it was time to follow her dream. Nine years later she’s awaiting the publication of her 18^th and 19^th books later this year.

                You may have already guessed: I am that girl. I know what it’s like to have a dream burning inside me and wonder if anything would ever come of it. I want to encourage you. If this is you. If you’re convinced your dreams have disappeared under a pile of laundry, dirty diapers, and grocery lists, that there are ways to live with grace until the appointed time for the dream to burst to life.

                Here’s what I learned on the journey:

1)      Hold the dream loosely. Pry your tight grip from the dream and offer it to God. Ask Him for wisdom to know if this is the time or the dream. Seek Him first. A dream without Him at the center is simply not as fulfilling.
 

2)      Prepare when you can as you can. For me that meant continuing to read voraciously. Through that I had a core understanding of what made a story and characters work. I might not have known all the lingo, but I intuitively gained an education. It also meant I read how-to write novel books. Each time the itch would resurface, you’d find me in the stacks looking for another book, so I could get structural understanding.

3)      Be prepared to run when God gives you the go-ahead. The years since God told me it was time to test the dream have been a whirlwind of work. It has required immense discipline and stick-to-it-iveness. I’ve had to let go of things to make room for the dream. Are you willing to do the same?

Waiting for a dream is hard. But with God’s grace, the waiting can be a time of preparation and drawing closer to Him.

Cara Shares Some of her Faves!

Favorite Dessert:                           Apple pie

Favorite Restaurant:                     Runza   

Favorite Branch of the Military (I won’t judge you if say anything other than Army, lol J) : ARMY – My dad flew Heweys in Vietnam and Desert Storm

Favorite Genre of Music:              Praise and worship

Favorite Subject in School:           history

Author Bio:

Cara C. Putman, the award-winning author of 20 books, graduated high school at 16, college at 20, and completed her law degree at 27. FIRST for Women magazine called Shadowed by Grace “captivating” and a “novel with ‘the works.’” It received the Christian Retailing BEST award for Historical Fiction and the HOLT Award of Distinction. Cara is active at her church and a lecturer on business and employment law to graduate students at Purdue University’s Krannert School of Management. Putman also practices law and is a second-generation homeschooling mom. Putman recently received her Master’s in Business Administration at Krannert. She serves on the executive board of American Christian Fiction Writers (ACFW), an organization she has served in various roles since 2007. She lives with her husband and four children in Indiana.

Shadowed by Grace:
Shadowed by Grace is a dramatic story inspired by the Monuments Men of World War II by acclaimed author Cara C. Putman. Desperate to save her dying mother, Rachel accepts her newspaper's assignment to travel to Italy to capture images dangerously close to the front lines of WWII. Her real motive - to find the father she never knew -- an artist she hopes can offer the comfort and support both she and her mother need to survive. It's an unlikely situation for love and faith to flourish, but soon Rachel not only finds herself, but also her long-lost earthly father, and ultimately, the man her Heavenly father created to cherish and provide for her

Connect with Cara:

Website: www.caraputman.com

Facebook: www.facebook.com/caraputman

Twitter: www.twitter.com/cara_putman

Pinterest: www.pinterest.com/caraputman

Goodreads: www.goodreads.com/CaraPutman

 

Enter Below to Win a Copy of  Stars in the Night: 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

4 Reasons to Host A Backyard Bible Club

Hi! Thanks for stopping by my blog!

My name is Hannah Conway, Army wife for more than a decade, and the author of The Wounded Warrior’s Wife, and Wedding a Warrior from Olivia Kimbrell Press.

This summer, our family hosted our very first Backyard Bible Club! We want to share the experience, and encourage military and civilian families to host your very own Backyard Bible Club for several reasons:

 

1: We’re promoting community, and that’s always a good thing!

 

2:  We’re cultivating relationships when we invite your neighbors over, and living in a military community it’s so vital to make connections with others we can trust, learn from and grow together. So to my military families out there, I challenge you to host a club.

 

3: The third and most important reason to host a backyard bible club is, we get to share Jesus with kids! How often do we sit in our homes and ever really get to know our neighbors, let alone work up enough nerve to tell them about Jesus or even let them know we’re a follower. A backyard Bible club helps to bridge that gap.

 

4: The 4^th reason to host a club…well, that’s pretty easy! We get to have a lot of fun…a lot of messy fun…or not so messy, but our family likes messy games…really messy games! We’ve got the pics to prove it!

Thinking of starting your own Backyard Bible Club? Check out Lifeway.com for easy-to-use curriculum or use any of our ideas, lessons/agendas, crafts, games etc.

 

Feel free to comment below with suggestions for next year’s club, or suggestions/advice for anyone interested in hosting their own club.  

Scripture Blocks Made From Scrap Wood, Paint, Construction
Paper, and Modge Podge.

A Few of My Favorite Things! Giveaway!!

Say what you want about Oprah, but that lady knew how to do a giveaway! Each year, one lucky audience went home with all of Oprah's favorite things! While I have no intentions of competing with her, haha :), I do want to give away a few of my own favorite things to you!!!!!!

How fun is this!?? It's okay to giggle! Or even jump up and down! I'm giving away 10, YES 10, of my favorite things toward the end of our summer break.

10 things, 10 winners!!



My list of favorite things includes...

1) $10 Starbucks Gift Card!!
2) $10 Amazon Gift Card!!!
3) Vera Bradley Pencils!!!
4) Audio Devotionals from Beth Moore!!
5) 2 Love Inspired books!
6) My favorite Yogi Green Teas!
7) A CD Copy of The Wounded Warrior's Wife 'playlist soundtrack' that I made!! Love that thing!
8) A very Crafty Memo/Picture board!
9) A bag of my favorite gluten free crackers! You'll love them too!! :)
10) A 24 oz glass Mason Jar water jug!!

Enter to win below! No, you don't have to join my mailing list, but please feel free to subscribe for updates and more giveaways! I have not the time nor the energy to flood your inbox, lol, so you don't have to worry about that.

YES, YES, you can share this post with your friends and family! The more the merrier, right? :)

Winner will be announced on Monday, August 17th by 5pm CT. The Winner will be notified by email and or facebook. If the winner has not responded within 72 hours, another winner will be chosen.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Worth the Sacrifice: Lessons from Memorial Day Weekend

"But King David replied to Araunah, "No, I insist on paying the full price. I will not take for the LORD what is yours, or sacrifice a burnt offering that costs me nothing." (2 Chronicles 21:24 NLT)

King David wanted to build an altar to God. Araunah owned the perfect place for an altar located on the summit of Mt. Moriah. Nice view I'm sure!

When David approached Araunah about purchasing this "threshing floor" (a flat, hard surface), Araunah offered it to David at no cost. Awesome! A prime piece of property for free! What a bargain, right?! But, David refused to take the property without it costing him something. Instead of saying, "Hey God, I'm building this great altar for you, AND I got it at no cost," David says, "I want to pay, and I want to pay A LOT for this place."

Sounds a bit backward in our 'something for nothing' culture, but David understood what we've seemed to have lost: the definition and value of sacrifice.

David understood that a sacrifice costs something. It hurts, but worth the pain, whether physical or emotional. We feel a sacrifice, and if we don't, it's not a sacrifice...it's something much different.

David was telling God, "I wanna pay. You're worth it."

What's worth it for us?

What do we know of sacrifice? In a culture of abundance, credit cards, and self-indulging tendencies, what do we know of sacrifice? To give up something we value, perhaps even need, in order to benefit or honor someone else?

While we may be in short supply of sacrifice, it's still there, and worth every penny, every ounce of blood, sweat, and tears that we willingly pour out.

I can think of several people, and groups that are accustomed to sacrifice, but this Memorial Day weekend I want to acknowledge those who have served and sacrificed their lives for this country. They saw a need, heard a call, counted up the cost, and served anyway. They deemed us worth their lives. Humbling.

I am thankful for the Military families that sacrificed alongside their soldier, willingly setting their soldier free to serve, knowing the dangers at hand. You too are valued, and appreciated. A hug, and kind words do not begin to scratch the surface of our gratitude.

We learn several things about sacrifice from the example of our fallen Military men and women, as well as David.

1: We learn a sacrifice is not a sacrifice if it doesn't cost us something.
2: We learn a sacrifice is worth what we've given up.
3: We learn sacrifice is something we should do more of...setting ourselves aside for the benefit and honor of others whether with our time, money, or perhaps one day, our life.

Happy Memorial Day Weekend!

Suggested Reading:
5 Ways to Be Blessed in the Stress: A Military Wife's Perspective
Loving My Soldier: The Hindsights and Insights of PTSD and TBI
Army Wife Tips