Building a Strong Marriage: Learning to Battle Back to Back

Today we welcome Rebecca Bruner! Last week we talked about how the sole goal of marriage is not happiness. Today, Rebecca is helping us dig a bit deeper into no only the purpose of marriage, but a battle plan. 

Marriage Can Sometimes Feel Like a War Zone.

Be Certain You Are Fighting the Right Opponent!

Have you ever wondered why God created marriage? Looking at things from a strictly human-centric point of view, we might assume that He did so just to satisfy our desires for companionship, romance, and procreation. Adam was lonely, and therefore God gave him Eve. 

I think far too many people approach their marriages from this perspective, evaluating the success or failure of their relationships only on the basis of how well their own felt needs are met. They ask themselves, “Am I satisfied with my marriage?” rather than, “Is my marriage glorifying God and advancing His cause?”

I’m convinced that, from the dawn of creation, God intended marriage to play an essential role in His battle plan. His original design for men and women involved an elegant interdependence between the sexes. Neither the man nor the woman could accomplish all that God envisioned for humanity by working alone. He intended that they complement one another, working in harmony within the one-flesh union of marriage to fill the earth and subdue it. 

God intentionally crafted two people who were completely different from each other. They had different strengths, different vulnerabilities, different perspectives on the world. Only with their combined strength could they hold the enemy at bay.

We must not forget that, even in Eden, there was an enemy poised to strike. Satan had already fallen. Otherwise, there could not have been a tree of the knowledge of good and evil in the Garden. When Adam and Eve sinned against their Creator, they were actually joining a rebellion already in progress, one that began at the moment Lucifer said in his heart, “I will be like the Most High.”

God intended the differences between men and women to give married couples a tactical advantage in defending each other against the enemy. Too often, the enemy exploits those differences to undermine our unity. While Satan tempts wives and husbands to fight head-to-head against each other, God wants us to learn to battle back-to-back against the real enemy, defending each other’s greatest areas of vulnerability with our unique strengths. 

So the next time your marriage starts to feel like a war zone, take a moment to ask yourself: who is the real enemy here? Ask God to help you recognize that your spouse is actually your ally, someone He has specially designed and provided to cover your back.  

When you evaluate your relationship, don’t just ask yourself, “Am I satisfied with my marriage?” Because marriage isn't really about YOU--what you want, what makes you happy--it's about God, and honoring Him in your relationship, even in seasons of hardship and crisis. It's about learning to cover your partner's back, and allowing him to cover your back in the midst of the spiritual war zone in which we live.

1: Tell us about your latest book, and any personal inspiration behind it.

My latest book is entitled A Wife of Valor: Your Strategic Importance in God’s Battle Plan. It’s based on material I have been teaching to Christian women’s groups for many years. When I first got married, I was only nineteen, and I had many misconceptions about womanhood, marriage and male/female relationships that I needed to unlearn. With the help of a godly older woman who mentored me, I was able to study the scriptures and have my mind renewed. I went from battling against God and His design for my life and marriage to surrendering to Him and embracing His truth. I finally recognized that my husband and I were actually on the same team, which put an end to a lot of senseless bickering. I wrote A Wife of Valor: Your Strategic Importance in God’s Battle Plan to pass on the crucial lessons I have learned to other Christian wives. My hope is that readers will apply these biblical principles to strengthen their marriages, and perhaps avoid a few of my mistakes.

2: Is A Wife of Valor available to purchase now?

My current project is a crowd funding campaign on Indiegogo to underwrite the cost of publishing A Wife of Valor. By pre-ordering copies of the book and other perks, fans and supporters can help me raise the money to get this book in print. You can check it out at: http://igg.me/at/wife-of-valor

3: Please share your favorite scripture with us.

The one that is especially dear to my heart at the moment is

Psalm 68:11-12 “The Lord gives the command; The women who proclaim the good tidings are a great host: Kings of armies flee, they flee, And she who remains at home will divide the spoil!” (NASB)

I love these verses because I feel that God pointed them out to me as an encouragement regarding His plans for my book. In A Wife of Valor, I share what the Lord has commanded to wives in His Word. I believe by faith that a great host of women will embrace these truths with joy and proclaim the good tidings to others. These verses remind me that I don’t need to worry, and I don’t need to fear. God will put the armies of the enemy to flight. I can sit home and wait for Him to bring in the spoil.

CONNECT WITH REBECCA

      Website: www.rebeccabrunerauthor.com

·         Email: rebeccabruner@rebeccabrunerauthor.com

·         Facebook: www.facebook.com/rebeccabrunerauthor

·         Pre-Order HERE! http://igg.me/at/wife-of-valor

Suggested Articles:
Happiness is no the Goal in Marriage
5 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage: Building Intimacy, Not Walls
Helping Kids Cope with Deployment

5 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage: Building Intimacy, Not Walls

Close. Closer. Closest possible. Intimacy is part of the whole ‘two becoming one’ mystery that exists in marriage. Yes, sex is piece of intimacy, but not the whole. It’s deeper than physical desire, and aligns itself more along the lines of a fierce loyalty, connection, a one-ness.

I’d argue as women, we crave intimacy more than the physical attraction and desires in marriage. It’s that ‘thing’ that makes us feel safe and connected knowing no matter what, it’s ‘til death do us part.

Over time, and through the obstacles of life, intimacy can become a challenge, but take heart ladies. We get to choose intimacy, just like we often choose to build walls. Sometimes we enter marriage with walls already built, or perhaps life has built some for us after marriage. Whatever the case, choose to build intimacy, and not walls. In fact, the closer we become to our hubby, those walls tumble.

Here are a handful of ways we’ve found handy in our marriage.

1: Holding hands:

Touch means so much, and I’m not talking the sexual kind. Yes, sex is a VERY important part of marriage, but there needs to be more physical contact going on that just the Ooh-la-la kind. Several studies confirm the power of positive touch such as hand holding, hugs, and cuddles. That doesn’t surprise me since we often find Jesus using touch in the Bible to heal and comfort. So grab your hubby’s hand and hold tight! Not too tight though…that would be a negative touch, ha. J

2: Playing & Laughing Together:

Wrestle. Tickle. Go for a walk. Hike. Bust out a board game. Watch silly videos on youtube (one of our favs). Find ways to play and laugh with your spouse. Life is filled with stress, even marital stress. If we find ways to laugh with our spouse, and play with our spouse, it helps us to grow closer and build intimacy instead of building walls to divide. Besides, laughter and having a playful spirit is such good medicine prescribed to us by God.

3: Bedtime chats:

Spend some time at night chatting with your spouse about the day. About hopes, dreams, goals. Not about money. Not about a heated topics. Asks questions to get to know your spouse better. What interests them, and why? Just talk and keep the conversation positive.

4: Date nights:

I’ve heard it said by many older couples that it’s ‘cheaper to hire a babysitter, than to pay for a divorce,’ meaning it’s better to invest in time alone with your spouse than to let your marriage fall apart.

Totally agree. However, being a military family for many years, finding a babysitter we could trust was often a challenge. Eventually, we found couples at church and on base we were able to connect with and swap childcare, but until then, our date nights/days/mornings/afternoons (whenever we made time), had to be creative, often simple, and budget friendly. Nothing wrong with simple, and nothing wrong with eating off a dollar menu on a date night, or staying home parked on the couch in front of a Netflix TV series when the kids are in bed. The key is to spend alone time with your hubby.

5: Praying together.

Oh, this is a big one, and something that can be challenging at first. My prayers are personal, often done alone when everyone is still sleeping, and frankly, I don’t wanna share them or my prayer time. BUT, we’re building intimacy, not walls, and who best to help us knock down walls and bond us closer together than God?

Think of marriage as a triangle, with God at the top. The closer you grow to God, the closer you grow together.

Don’t know where to start in this praying together venture?

How about over dinner? Bless more than just the food.

How about with the kids, and make it a family prayer in the morning, before school, at dinner or bedtime? How about grabbing hubby’s hand after bedtime chat, and asking to say a prayer. Nothing huge or elaborate. A simple ‘Thank you God for my spouse,’ is a good way to begin. Then go from there, asking God to help your prayer-life grow.

If hubby won’t pray, or doesn’t pray, don’t let that discourage your prayers. Grab your Bible, and keep praying for others, for him, for your family, for yourself. Prayers work, and all are answered, most often in ways we don’t expect, and in a time frame we would’ve never expected –spanning even years.

Hang in there!

Have any other suggestions to help build intimacy in marriage? Want to share something from experience? Feel free to comment below. J