Building a Strong Marriage: Happiness Isn't the Goal in Marriage

When the wedding is over, and the guests go home, married-life starts.

Many of my friends, including myself, are or were military wives. We know homecomings, military balls, ceremonies, and mandatory fun events are not the whole of our marriage. These happy times are mixed in with the, well, the not so happy.  

At times it’s easy to love our spouse, and even a wonderful experience to do so, but other times…after kids, juggling schedules, dinner fails, a 60+ hour work week, pay cuts, hurtful words spoken intentional or unintentional, conflict of interests…well, sometimes things like that can make marriage a challenge. 

But that’s ok. We want to build and strengthen something worth fighting for, something worth our time and energy, even if it’s a challenge. Marriage is worth that challenge. Anything God ordains is worth that challenge.

One of the ways we begin to strengthen our marriage is by shifting the focus off of our happiness. Yes, happiness is great and all, but if it’s at the expense of someone else’s happiness, is it even true happiness? Wow, that just got philosophical! 

I argue that a self-seeking pursuit of happiness is not happiness at all, but selfishness. Yes, we have needs, even wants, but by transferring our focus to our spouse and their happiness…well, something close to magic happens…we find happiness—actually, contentment, which is FAR GREATER than happiness. It’s deeper, heartier, full of substance and value, whereas happiness changes on a whim, based on our current situation.

If happiness isn’t the goal of marriage, what is?

That’s a whole other blogpost my friends, but to sum it up, a purpose, but most definitely not the sole purpose of marriage, is to make us into better people as we serve each other in love, putting the other before ourselves. 

How do we do this? How do we stop focusing on happiness as our sole goal in marriage?

   

         1) Think about your spouse. Write down the things they enjoy. What are their goals? What makes them feel loved? Perhaps ask them these things in order to find out, or observe them more often.

Keep this list, and work to meet those goals and do those things that make your spouse feel loved. I HIGHLY recommend learning your spouse’s love language. Check out The 5 Love Languages, and The 5 Love Language: Military Edition.

    

      2) Pray for your spouse. Make a list of things to pray about for them. Here are some suggestions to get started:

• Pray for their relationship with God to continue to grow.
• Pray that love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control overflow in and out of their lives. 
•  Pray for wisdom in the decisions they have to make at work and in the family.
• Pray for them to get the rest they need at night so they are able to get through the work week.
• Pray for their self-image—that they would see themselves the way God sees them.
• Pray for their spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical protection.

Remember, happiness is great, but there’s so much more to marriage that’s worth our time in pursuing--like each other. 

Sermon Notes for Kids: Helping Your Kiddos Grow in their Faith

I grew up in church. Every Sunday and Wednesday. Summer programs too. And I'm grateful for my upbringing and foundations of faith.

Now, I wasn't the most quiet child during church service. Dad pecked my head a time or two--kept me in line. Kept me from squirming, doodling on the back of the bulletin, humming, or tossing paper wads at my brother.  :) Church service was sooo boring, well, up until my early teens, and then I started paying attention. Started understanding the relevance of the Bible, and faith. Started taking notes. Still take them, and enjoy going back through them from time to time.

Now that my kiddos sit in church service with us each Sunday, I find myself wondering how I can help them pay more attention...let the sermon sink in...help them apply it to their lives, and grow their faith...and keep the paper wads from flying across the room!

How??? How ?

Sermon notes for kids!!! Of course!!

Apparently I'm not the first to think of this idea. A whole host of Pinterest pins offer a variety of sermon notes for kids of all ages.  Check them out if you get a chance.

So I took my time, scanned through the pins and posts, gathered ideas, thought about my kiddos, how our church service is laid out, and created one for them, which I'm totally sharing with you. Free of charge! You're welcome. :)

The notes include a page that highlights the importance of memorizing Bible verses, Prayers, Praises, and answered prayers pages, as well as a notes page for dates to remember perhaps from the bulletin, or other church social events. 

My oldest, now 10, won't have any issues with filling out/reading the note pages. My youngest, now 5, will need some help. I will also be tweaking her sermon notes booklet a bit, equipped with Bible verses she can trace, and things more suited for her age (I'll share that when I'm done).

So the game plan is: print out the pages, enough for a years worth of sermons, and bind them together to create a booklet for my oldest to take with him to church every Sunday. Now, one could easily print out the papers, hole punch them and put them in a binder, folder--whatevs. :)

Enjoy!! Print them out, get'em to your kiddos!

Click Here to Download the Sermon Notes pdf

Service, Love & a Cold Fighting Soup: Living Like Jesus

Moms don't have time to get sick, and Military Wives whose spouse is deployed or away, dreads the thought of falling ill.

Never in my adulthood had I ever caught the flu....until my hubby was on his last deployment. That's how it goes, right?

Well, I got it, and got it BAD!

Woke up drenched in sweat, chills, fever, the whole nine yards, yet I still needed to care for my kiddos. A mom's job, well, we all know it's never done.

I'm not one to ask for help, or share my burdens on social media, but that day, I wrote a simple message about being ill and needing prayer to get better soon.

An outpouring of love and support ensued. Several ladies brought soup, movies, meals, and crafts to keep my youngest occupied. They watched my youngest, made sure I didn't have to prepare supper for a few days, called to check on me, and even helped pick up my house! Kinda makes me wanna get sick again, ha. :) 

These wonderful women demonstrated love by taking a moment to step away from their life, their obstacles, their problems, and their to-do-lists to help a friend in need. What a blessing they were to our family!

1 Corinthians 13: 7 says, “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 

No one lived out this verse better than Jesus. He continuously demonstrates his love for us, but in this particular instance we find Jesus not only living out love, but giving us an insight to how to handle our trials and hurts. In Matthew 14 we find Jesus in mourning after the gruesome death of His cousin and friend, John the Baptist. He takes a moment to be alone and grieve, and then we see Him get up, and go out to serve and meet the needs of others.

When we shift our eyes from our burdens, busy schedules, hurts, and trials to meet the needs or serve someone else, we live out love. We live like the ladies who helped me in my time of need. We live like Jesus, and that's the best way to live.

Think of ways to serve others. Think of ways your family can join in, and though it can be difficult, remember it's okay to be the person who may need help.

And if there's ever a need for a hearty, cold battling soup for family, friends or yourself? I got ya covered! Check out the recipe below, and it's GLUTEN FREE:

 

Fight a Cold Soup

5-6 cups of Chicken broth (I'm sure veggie broth would be okay too)

2 Whole Carrots

3 Celery Stalks

1 Half of Onion Chopped

2 Tblsps of Minced Garlic

Kale & Baby spinach

1 1/2 tsp of Sea Salt

1 1/2 olive oil

Prep time: 10 minutes

Cook time: 50-60 minutes

Chop or dice carrots, celery, and onion. In a pot large enough to hold the soup, heat up olive oil on medium-high heat, and sauté the carrots, celery, and onion. Add in the garlic. Stir constantly. Add in 1/2 of broth, cover pan, set to simmer for 10 minutes. Add the rest of the chicken broth, and sea salt. Bring to a low boil and add the kale and spinach (use as much as you'd like; I do a handful of each).  Let boil for 5-7 minutes, then simmer for 30-40 minutes. Check the tenderness of the veggies and serve when they've reached desired firmness or softness. Feel free to add to or take away. Hot sauce and paprika goes well in this soup too. ENJOY!

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Helping Kids Cope with Deployment

September 11th means many things to Americans--many things we aren't even able to put into words.

It's been 14 years.

Doesn't seem like it.

I've often thought it strange that my children cannot remember a time when our country hasn't been at war, nor do they quite grasp why their Daddy has had to be gone for long periods of time to fight the bad guys.  So today, Dear Readers, we have a special Guest Blogger & Army Wife who is going to talk with us about helping our kids cope with deployment. We want to honor our brave men and women who keep our country safe, and support their families with all the love and encouragement we can muster.

Welcome, Julie Provost!

~   ~   ~

Helping Kids Cope with Deployment

My oldest son was only about 2 years old when his Dad deployed for the first time. By the time my husband deployed for the 2nd time he was 4 and his little brother was 2. By our 3rd deployment my boys were 6, 4 and 2.5 months old. Then the 4th they were 8, 6 and 2.

As I look back over the years I can see how each time they handled the deployment a little differently. This is normal because different kids in different ages tend to do that. Some kids can handle deployments better than others. Sometimes it is because of their personality, but sometimes it is because of their age and how much they can understand.

There is a lot you can do as the Military spouse to help your children cope during a deployment. If you have a small baby, one who can’t even talk yet, you might just keep sharing photos with them. Some people will laminate them and put them up in the nursery. Just so your baby sees their Dad and gets used to his face.

For a toddler or preschoolers it might get a little more difficult. They might not be able to explain to you how they are feeling about the issue but they might act out a little more because they are missing their other parent. It is best to keep that in mind as you go through your day. Try to set up Skype chats if you can and just be there to help them through it.

When your kids get a little older and can understand what the word “war” and “Army” means you can sit down with them and have conversations about it. You can check in with them about how they are doing and what they might be worried about. Have them help you with care packages and have them talk to their Dad as often as possible. Just let them know that you understand how hard it is for them.

You can do some fun activities around the house that might help them through it. Have a chain of deployment days. Put up pictures of your spouse. Have them help make the homecoming posters. Get them excited when you know it is coming to an end.

Remember to pray with your kids for Daddy every night. Pray for his safety and the safety of his Company, Unit and the whole Army. It can be a good way for kids to get used to praying for others too.

There isn’t a lot you can do to change the fact that your spouse will be deployed when they are in the Military. It happens and could happen more often than you would like. But, you can be there for your kids and get them through the separations. You can be the person that they can always go to when they are feeling too sad about it. You can help them cope.

Tweet: "There is a lot you can do as the #MilitarySpouse to help your children cope during a #deployment." http://ctt.ec/4Uc1o+

Julie is a blogger & social media addict living in Tennessee. She has been married for 13 years to her National Guard Soldier and has three boys, 10, 8 & 4. You can find her at Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life and on Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest & Instagram.

RELATED POSTS:
All Because of One Woman: A Mother, Wife, Author, Speaker Point of View
5 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage: Building Intimacy, Not Walls
Loving My Soldier: Hindsights & Insights of PTSD
Army Wife Tips


ABOUT HANNAH: 
Hannah Conway is a military wife, mother of two, and speaker. Her novels are a deployment experience of their own, threaded with faith, and filled with twists and turns sure to thrill, and encourage. Hannah is a member of the American Christian Fiction Writers, and My book Therapy. She and her family live in Tennessee

( A / IBook /BN / K )

CLICK the Links Below The Image to Download Your eCopy of WEDDING A WARRIOR! 

The Journal & the Journey: The One Who Knows the Way

Not too long ago, I stumbled on an old diary at a flea market. The journal year? 1888.

Wow!

What a treasure for a history lover like myself. Of course I bought it, then struggled whether or not to read it. I wouldn't want a stranger snooping through my journal! Friends assured me no moral dilemma existed considering the age of the document, and we were all curious, so...well, we read it. :)

To our amusement and utter awe, Sierra Hunt, the writer, described her life, and it's simple, often mundane tasks. With her words, this young teen, transported us back in time. Glorious experience!

Not much changed from Sierra's day to day routine. School, fetching water, helping Ma in the kitchen. On Sunday she walked to church. She made mention of the weather, social gatherings, a family friend getting ill, and visitors. At times, she seemed frustrated by her simple life, and skipped several days in the journal --a sad thing for all of us reading.

Sierra had grown used to her life, and it's routine. I found myself able to relate well this young lady of the past. For years I've stayed at home with my children, raising them, and moving from state to state with the military. At times the life set before me seemed so rote, and blah. Even as a 21st century grown woman, I understand Sierra's century old teenage rant.

So we continued to flipped through the journal, thoroughly enjoying each entry, until it stopped mid sentence.

She wrote on July 6, 1888: "Warm & Pleasant. I worked for Mrs. Struthers this forenoon. Sewed some. Scottie [her brother] and I went up and got the "

And that's it. Nothing more. We're left wondering where she and Scottie went, what they were doing, and what ever happened to Sierra. Did she finish school? Get married? So many unknowns!

If our lives were a journal, how many unknowns would we have?

For me, plenty.

We don't know what tomorrow brings, or what our future holds when our paths in life change. We're on this journey, and our journals are filled with unknowns.

But God knows. He knows what happened to Sierra, and I intend to ask him one day. He knows the paths our lives will take, and we can trust Him with all our unknowns. All of them -- the career choices, parenting tips, finances, the good & the bad of it all. I'm learning this day by day as I transition into a new phase of life with my hubby retired from the Army, and my youngest starting school.

A new path doesn't have to equal uncertainties when we are certain of The One guiding us.


"And whenever you turn to the right or two the left, your ears will hear this command behind you -- this is the way, walk in it." Isaiah 30:21

Many blessings, and a journey full of joy for all of you.

Click to Tweet: "A new path doesn't have to equal uncertainties when we are certain of The One guiding us." ~Author @hannahrconway http://ctt.ec/6IC6h+

3 Steps to Finding the Grace to Chase a Dream by Cara Putman

Hello Dear Readers! Today we welcome Award Winning Author Cara Putman! Cara has some great advice to share with us today & will be giving away a copy of her novel, Stars in the Night. Enter to win below!


Without further ado, let's give Cara a warm welcome!



 

~    ~    ~

ONCE there was a 14-year-old who quickly realized her favorite authors simply could not write books fast enough. Because she was young, she decided she could write books, too. Her mother smiled and allowed her to write as part of her English. Slowly two novels grew on an old computer, paragraph by paragraph, page by page. She loved creating ideas, research, writing. The process delighted her soul, and she wondered if she’d found what she was created to do.

        Then life got busy. College, a career. A husband and a family. Writing was pressed to the perimeter of her life by the busyness of a full life.

                Most days it was enough.

                But some days, the whisper to write became a roaring ache to try. When this occurred, this girl grown into a woman would take the dream to God, hold it in open hands, and ask Him if this was His dream for her. If not, show her so she could kill the dream and focus on His will for her life.

                In due time, He announced it was time to follow her dream. Nine years later she’s awaiting the publication of her 18^th and 19^th books later this year.

                You may have already guessed: I am that girl. I know what it’s like to have a dream burning inside me and wonder if anything would ever come of it. I want to encourage you. If this is you. If you’re convinced your dreams have disappeared under a pile of laundry, dirty diapers, and grocery lists, that there are ways to live with grace until the appointed time for the dream to burst to life.

                Here’s what I learned on the journey:

1)      Hold the dream loosely. Pry your tight grip from the dream and offer it to God. Ask Him for wisdom to know if this is the time or the dream. Seek Him first. A dream without Him at the center is simply not as fulfilling.
 

2)      Prepare when you can as you can. For me that meant continuing to read voraciously. Through that I had a core understanding of what made a story and characters work. I might not have known all the lingo, but I intuitively gained an education. It also meant I read how-to write novel books. Each time the itch would resurface, you’d find me in the stacks looking for another book, so I could get structural understanding.

3)      Be prepared to run when God gives you the go-ahead. The years since God told me it was time to test the dream have been a whirlwind of work. It has required immense discipline and stick-to-it-iveness. I’ve had to let go of things to make room for the dream. Are you willing to do the same?

Waiting for a dream is hard. But with God’s grace, the waiting can be a time of preparation and drawing closer to Him.

Cara Shares Some of her Faves!

Favorite Dessert:                           Apple pie

Favorite Restaurant:                     Runza   

Favorite Branch of the Military (I won’t judge you if say anything other than Army, lol J) : ARMY – My dad flew Heweys in Vietnam and Desert Storm

Favorite Genre of Music:              Praise and worship

Favorite Subject in School:           history

Author Bio:

Cara C. Putman, the award-winning author of 20 books, graduated high school at 16, college at 20, and completed her law degree at 27. FIRST for Women magazine called Shadowed by Grace “captivating” and a “novel with ‘the works.’” It received the Christian Retailing BEST award for Historical Fiction and the HOLT Award of Distinction. Cara is active at her church and a lecturer on business and employment law to graduate students at Purdue University’s Krannert School of Management. Putman also practices law and is a second-generation homeschooling mom. Putman recently received her Master’s in Business Administration at Krannert. She serves on the executive board of American Christian Fiction Writers (ACFW), an organization she has served in various roles since 2007. She lives with her husband and four children in Indiana.

Shadowed by Grace:
Shadowed by Grace is a dramatic story inspired by the Monuments Men of World War II by acclaimed author Cara C. Putman. Desperate to save her dying mother, Rachel accepts her newspaper's assignment to travel to Italy to capture images dangerously close to the front lines of WWII. Her real motive - to find the father she never knew -- an artist she hopes can offer the comfort and support both she and her mother need to survive. It's an unlikely situation for love and faith to flourish, but soon Rachel not only finds herself, but also her long-lost earthly father, and ultimately, the man her Heavenly father created to cherish and provide for her

Connect with Cara:

Website: www.caraputman.com

Facebook: www.facebook.com/caraputman

Twitter: www.twitter.com/cara_putman

Pinterest: www.pinterest.com/caraputman

Goodreads: www.goodreads.com/CaraPutman

 

Enter Below to Win a Copy of  Stars in the Night: 

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A Few of My Favorite Things! Giveaway!!

Say what you want about Oprah, but that lady knew how to do a giveaway! Each year, one lucky audience went home with all of Oprah's favorite things! While I have no intentions of competing with her, haha :), I do want to give away a few of my own favorite things to you!!!!!!

How fun is this!?? It's okay to giggle! Or even jump up and down! I'm giving away 10, YES 10, of my favorite things toward the end of our summer break.

10 things, 10 winners!!



My list of favorite things includes...

1) $10 Starbucks Gift Card!!
2) $10 Amazon Gift Card!!!
3) Vera Bradley Pencils!!!
4) Audio Devotionals from Beth Moore!!
5) 2 Love Inspired books!
6) My favorite Yogi Green Teas!
7) A CD Copy of The Wounded Warrior's Wife 'playlist soundtrack' that I made!! Love that thing!
8) A very Crafty Memo/Picture board!
9) A bag of my favorite gluten free crackers! You'll love them too!! :)
10) A 24 oz glass Mason Jar water jug!!

Enter to win below! No, you don't have to join my mailing list, but please feel free to subscribe for updates and more giveaways! I have not the time nor the energy to flood your inbox, lol, so you don't have to worry about that.

YES, YES, you can share this post with your friends and family! The more the merrier, right? :)

Winner will be announced on Monday, August 17th by 5pm CT. The Winner will be notified by email and or facebook. If the winner has not responded within 72 hours, another winner will be chosen.

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