When the wedding is over, and the guests go home, married-life
starts.
Many of my friends, including myself, are or were military wives.
We know homecomings, military balls, ceremonies, and mandatory fun events are
not the whole of our marriage. These happy times are mixed in with the, well, the
not so happy.
At times it’s easy to love our spouse, and even a wonderful
experience to do so, but other times…after kids, juggling schedules, dinner
fails, a 60+ hour work week, pay cuts, hurtful words spoken intentional or
unintentional, conflict of interests…well, sometimes things like that can make
marriage a challenge.
But that’s ok. We want to build and strengthen something
worth fighting for, something worth our time and energy, even if it’s a
challenge. Marriage is worth that challenge. Anything God ordains is worth that
challenge.
One of the ways we begin to strengthen our marriage is by
shifting the focus off of our happiness. Yes, happiness is great and all, but
if it’s at the expense of someone else’s happiness, is it even true happiness?
Wow, that just got philosophical!
I argue that a self-seeking pursuit of happiness is not
happiness at all, but selfishness. Yes, we have needs, even wants, but by transferring
our focus to our spouse and their happiness…well, something close to magic
happens…we find happiness—actually, contentment, which is FAR GREATER than
happiness. It’s deeper, heartier, full of substance and value, whereas
happiness changes on a whim, based on our current situation.
If happiness isn’t the goal of marriage, what
is?
That’s a whole other blogpost my friends, but to sum it up,
a purpose, but most definitely not the sole purpose of marriage, is to make us
into better people as we serve each other in love, putting the other before
ourselves.
How do we do this?
How do we stop focusing on happiness as our sole goal in marriage?
1) Think about
your spouse. Write down the things they enjoy. What are their goals? What
makes them feel loved? Perhaps ask them these things in order to find out, or
observe them more often.
Keep this list, and work to meet
those goals and do those things that make your spouse feel loved. I HIGHLY
recommend learning your spouse’s love language. Check out The 5 Love Languages, and The 5 Love Language: Military Edition.
2) Pray for
your spouse. Make a list of things to pray about for them. Here are some
suggestions to get started:
- Pray for their relationship with God to continue to grow.
- Pray that love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control overflow in and out of their lives.
- Pray for wisdom in the decisions they have to make at work and in the family.
- Pray for them to get the rest they need at night so they are able to get through the work week.
- Pray for their self-image—that they would see themselves the way God sees them.
- Pray for their spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical protection.
Remember, happiness is great, but there’s so much more to
marriage that’s worth our time in pursuing--like each other.
