Fearless Faith?
Isn't faith void of fear? Maybe for you, but for me, faith is more like looking down at a canyon bottom knowing the only way to cross is to jump, believing I can make it--if I can work up the courage, but so scared to try.
As I'm wrapping up my first novel, preparing for the final edits (if there really such a thing as final edits), and looking forward to publishing and all that entails, I find myself doing a lot of that whole fear thing again. It's pretty unattractive. I stand in the mirror, hair frazzled, coffee stains on my t-shirt, eyes wide. Can I do this? Who am I to write a novel? Why would God want to use me, and who in the world would ever read something I wrote? Then I start doing this weird deep breathing thing, and thank God my husband is at work so he doesn't have to see this. What if someone actually reads my novel, hates it, and writes a terrible amazon review? What if I completely fail and people use the pages of my book as toilet paper!? Or what if I succeed, and I can't respond to their emails in time, and tick off my readers, and they start badmouthing me all over the place? What if everyone starts thinking I'm like this super Christian that never messes up, and I completely blow it, fall off a pedestal they've put me on, and ruin the message of Christ for everyone!?
Wow. I really need to get it together. It's crazy how I'm afraid to fail and succeed!
My daughter, God bless that little free spirit, is fearless. She knows no bounds, and I deeply admire that characteristic. Just the other day, she was jumping from the swingset landing area--about 3 foot high--, and loving every minute of it.
I ran over to her. "Honey, don't do that. You'll get hurt."
She smiled, bobbing her head. "It's okay, Mommy. After I get hurt, I'll get better."
Her answer stunned me, cracked me up, and then hit me to the core. My child was speaking God's truth to me!
I've lost count of how many times God's Word says, "Don't be afraid," "Be courageous," "Do not fear." Apparently fear is a common theme throughout humanity. Ugh, it's tough being human. By the way, I still made my daughter get down from the landing--ain't got time for a trip the emergency room.
Here's the deal. It's okay if I fail, 'cause after I get hurt, I'll get better. And it's okay if I succeed; God will keep me...I'll ask Him to EVERY SINGLE DAY, pestering Him all of the time with my request to keep me from being a stumbling block to others in their Faith.
My conclusion? This is what I will tell myself in the mirror when I start having a highly unattractive freak out moment:
1: I am a daughter of the King, and He says I have value no matter if a million people read my book or if no one reads it; no matter if people love it or hate.
2: God has given me a desire to write, and a story to share, so I'm gonna do just that.
3: I have faith, and even if I get hurt, it'll be okay 'cause I'll get better.
What about you? Ever had issues stepping out on Faith? I'd love to hear about it! :)
No comments:
Post a Comment