Welcome, Dear Readers!
This year I've set out to get to know you better, hear your story, what God's done or doing in your life, lessons learned, trials, triumphs, recipes, and fun projects. I want to hear what you have to say, and so do a whole host of others.
Meet Sara!
I’m a stay-at-home
mom in Clarksville, TN. But I do also work at Disney’s Animal Kingdom as an
Educator seasonally. I have three beautiful children: Audrey, 5, Andrew, 4, and
Aiden, 16 months, and one wonderfully supportive husband, Greg. I have been a
“closet writer” for many years and my debut novel will be coming out this
summer.
His Eye Is On The Sparrow: Postpartum Depression
Are
not two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the
ground apart from your Father....so do not fear; you are more valuable than
many sparrows. Matthew 10:29, 31
Why should I feel
discouraged? Why should the shadows come?
Why should my heart
feel lonely and long for heaven and home?
When Jesus is my
portion, my constant friend is He
His eye is on the
sparrow and I know He watches me.
I sing because I'm
happy
I sing because I'm
free
His eye is on the
sparrow
And I know He watches
me.
I love this song. Maybe
because my grandfather sang it often and it's a fond memory I have of him. But
in the midst of my (post partum) depression, this song took on a whole new
dimension (meaning) for me. This song proposes that with Jesus as our portion,
we shouldn't feel discouraged and the shadows shouldn't come over us. You and I
know that this is not true; that even with Jesus in our life, depression will
come. It rains on the righteous and the unrighteous the same (Matthew 5:45).
Depressive disorders fall on those who live with Christ in their lives and
those who live without Him just the same. It doesn't seem right, it doesn't
seem fair...but yet it is true. Scripture tells us that this is how it will be.
This song does, however, hit
on the very thing that separates a Christ follower who suffers from depression
from an unbeliever who struggles in that same darkness: “Jesus is my portion, a
constant friend is He...His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.” We
have a constant friend and companion with us that walks with us through the
whole thing. Even our spouses and closest friends cannot understand and may
very well end up getting shut out in our attempts to escape from our lives, but
we cannot escape from God. And, though it may feel like you can't see Him at
times, that you can't feel Him (though we know feelings are deceitful, right?),
He is there...every moment of every day. He is experiencing every agonizing
moment of that darkness with you. He is watching over you as this verse and
song says, but more than that, He is with you. Let Him be with you. Let
His presence wash over you. Ask Him for that very thing. What part of your
depression are you thankful He sees/experiences with you?
For God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and
of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy
1:7
There is so much hope in this verse for those who live in
fear and anxiety and for those who struggle with mental illness. During my
depressive episodes, I truly felt as if I was losing my mind because of the
intrusive thoughts (thoughts that were not my own that came into my mind urging
me to…well, mostly to hurt myself). To not feel safe in your own skin is a,
well, a very scary, very crazy feeling. But that is not who God made me to be.
He did not give me a spirit of fear. He gave me a sound mind. And He gave me
the power to defeat what Satan has in store for me (I’m NOT saying depression
is from Satan…depression is, by and large, a chemical or hormonal imbalance…but
believe you me, Satan will take every advantage he can get).
You're so right. You know, I love hearing how
God has set people free, and I think you can relate. There’s so much more to freedom than patriotism. Would
you share a time with us when you experienced God’s freedom?
I experienced a lot of freedom during the course of my
recovery from depression. It was a hard place to be in for sure, but it was
also a place of healing. In the depths of my depression, everything was dark,
there was nothing there but this inescapable gloominess. I couldn’t even find
God, though I cried out for Him. I knew He hadn’t abandoned me because His word
says He never would, but I felt all alone. Where was He? Why couldn’t I see
Him? But now, as I walk in freedom from that darkness, I look back and see,
just as the poem “The Footprints in the Sand” proposes, one set of prints
during that time. What? He was carrying me to be sure. And I now believe that I
couldn’t see Him during that time because He was holding me so tightly that my
face was pressed into His shoulder, blinding me. But how did I find that
freedom? Through faith steps. I had to let go of the need to see the whole
path. God only showed me the step in front of me, as a lamp unto my feet. And
even at that, sometimes only dimly lit. I found that I would have to take that
step in faith and then trust that He would provide enough light for the step
after that.
There's nothing about what your describing that sounds easy, but totally worth every step you took in blind faith. We all struggle in
our walk with God, what affected your walk the most through the depression?
The fact that I felt He wasn’t there. During my second
episode of post partum depression, I struggled with why He would allow this to
happen to me again. I struggle through verses like…”I am the Lord and there is no other, the One forming light and creating
darkness, causing well-being and creating calamity. I am the Lord Who does all
these.” Isaiah 45:6b-7 How do I deal
with that? A kind, merciful, gracious God “creating calamity” in my life,
“creating” this darkness that threatened to swallow me whole? But I had much to
learn about being disciplined. About what lengths He would go through to draw
me to Himself, to teach me, to mold me. (Again, not saying depression is a sign
you are being “punished” by God. Quite the opposite…but I DO believe that God
causes ALL things to work together for good to those who love Him, to those who
are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).
I have held on to that verse for years, Sara! It's given me strength in good times and in bad. For our readers out there who may be experiencing depression, what three things
would you say to someone who is struggling?
1) God
is there – you may not believe it, you may not see Him, but He is there, in
that darkness with you; He feels it, He cries for you, with you, over you; this
is a time He can draw you close to Him, if you only let Him.; quiet yourself
and let Him speak to you, dear soul; you would be amazed…the God who sings over
you (Zephaniah 3:17) wants to speak into your heart in the silence if you’ll
only let Him
2) Take
one step at a time – one step out of bed at a time; one faith step at a
time…don’t try to see the whole road, just look for that one step in front of
you.
3) Don’t
trust your feelings, trust His word – your heart is “more deceitful than all
else and is desperately sick” (Jeremiah 17:9) It is not to be trusted. The Word of God is “living and active, sharper
than any two-edged sword…discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart”
(Hebrews 4:12); our emotions are fallible; God’s Word is not; so when your
feelings or when intrusive thoughts threaten to take you down the wrong path
into negative thinking or something worse, turn to God’s word to find the truth
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