Things I Thought I Would NEVER Say...or hear!

My Little Angels :)  Yes, She is Screaming.

Motherhood! That says it all! lol :). With my hubby deployed right now I have been a little more tense than usual, and definitely more absentminded--which is saying something. Solo parenting is a tough field to plow, and some days I feel like I would actually rather be plowing a field than in the home where things can be intense/crazy/hectic/nonstop! I need to laugh more; I need to step back from the situation at hand and find the humor in it, and believe me, there is A LOT to laugh about. 

There are things in life you never think you would hear yourself say. There are things you never think that you will hear. Parenthood has a way of introducing you to these things, and these things are SOME SERIOUS KINDS OF FUNNY! I mean, TOTALLY  TV HIT SERIES FUNNY...it's just trying to remember that they are funny while you are in the moment.

Moments when I need to remember that "it's funny."
*When my two year old daughter runs to the breakfast table naked AGAIN, and I say "Remember, we don't come to the table naked."  Five hours later..."Sweetheart...We don't answer the door naked."  In the evening..."You don't climb into the dryer naked...you don't climb into the dryer ever, and just remember to always keep your clothes on."
* After my son's two hour long football practice and I am frazzled from chasing my daughter, on the verge of starving and my son runs up while my hands are full of stuff and starts loudly begging, "Can I please, please, PLEASE, grab the flashlight and hunt for Big Foot tonight?"  My tired response..."Not tonight son...Big Foot can wait." I'm sure everyone thinks we are freaks lol.
* It's bedtime and I am wiped out and my son says "Mom! My butt is thundering!!" What does that even mean?? My response, "Let me know if it begins to lightning."
* It's bedtime and my son says "Mom! My butt is dry and I can't stand it!" What does THAT mean? I tell him to shower better, text my mother-in-law regarding my son's "issue" and she texts back saying "put Vaseline on it...he probably has some potpie stuck in there that he missed."  Potpie? REALLY? HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh autocorrect, you're sooooo silly!!! :) Ok, so I laughed at that situation like on the spot!

It's apparent that my son has a lot of strange things to say regarding his cute little tush, lol. I won't even begin to go into all of the crazy embarrassing, but hilarious, anatomy questions he has been coming up with lately!! Btw, Lifeway Christian Bookstore has FABULOUS books on puberty and other related topics.

Summing it up...it's funny what I never thought about saying or hearing, and I pray that I remember to keep in mind how funny it all really is when it seems too much to handle at the time.

Debate Anyone??

Yes, yes, last night was the final Presidential Debate and let me say that it was not as interesting as the second one.If it were to come to a boxing match--which I know we have all imagined--I think Romney may be able to take Obama. Call me sick and twisted, but I was totally looking forward to seeing the candidates go at it, but nada!   I'm sorry to have to announce that SNL is not going to have much ammo to work with in  recreating this debate in skit form. Side note--SNL's version of all things political brings great joy to my life! :) 

I love a good debate better than the next person. Really though, a debate is just a fancy word for "arguing," and arguing can be fun, ONLY if the other person you are arguing with understands that the argument is just all in fun--that's why there are Debate Teams, which I totally should have been a part of!

Debates/Arguments are SOOOO appealing! What is it about my nature that wants to scream "Uh,UH, you're wrong?" When I was a little girl my Momma would say, "You would argue with Jesus himself," and I would reply "No I wouldn't!" with my hands on my hips.  Lol--I was a defiant little blond headed child. Now I'm a defiant fake-brunette-headed adult.

The sky is blue. "Well, actually it's Robin Egg Blue!" The grass is green. "What shade of green because that depends on the kind of grass it is?" Slavery was the cause of the Civil War. "Actually that is not true...it was a BIG cause but not the sole cause." I  feel the need to argue! It feels good to argue! It feels even BETTER to win an argument! What is wrong with me? 

I don't think I am alone...I KNOW I am not alone! People want to be right. Why do you think game shows have been on TV forever?? They jump at the chance to prove they are right! I'm going to argue (lol) that our need to be right stems from selfishness--putting ourselves before another so we can look better, feel better, and THINK we are better. The Bible has a whole lot to say about quarrelsome people and selfishness...it's humbling and if I had a tail I would tuck it. This past year God has been working with me on my need to argue, to be right and I'm learning to just let it go. I'm a work in progress...

Titus 3: 9-11: But avoid foolish controversies, genealogies, dissensions, and quarrels about the law, for they are unprofitable and worthless. As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.

Deployment Bucketlist

Deployment Bucket List: UPDATED :) 

Disclaimer: I had to write a few things on the list that I have already done to make me feel more productive--I know you totally do that too! ;)

1: Organize the Garage  Um...I may need to do that again
2: Organize Laundry Area
3: Organize Top of the Fridge
4: Paint Kid's Rooms (And add shelving...)
5: Paint Our Master Bath  (Need to figure what design) Got a brain cramp trying to figure out what color
6: Clean Carpets (Or just pray for them)
7: Redecorate Master Bedroom
8: Start a Bible Study
9: Stencil the Book Shelf in the Living Room...and the one in our bedroom Not yet...lol
10: Spend Saturday's Playing with the Kids and creating an awesome Pinterest craft/game idea!
11: Take the Kid's Somewhere AWESOME for Spring Break  With the Fam in Ohio!!
12: Camp Out in the Living Room with the Kiddo's at least once a month   Did that like 4 times!!
13: Learn How to Sew It's just sad how bad I am...I should get a sewing machine to help me :) 
14: Figure Out Which Pinterest Crafts I Want to Do and Then Schedule Time to Do It!
15: Get a Pedicure or Massage Once a Month  um...nope...that was a lofty dream, huh?
16: Go See a Movie With No Kids With Me
17: Organize Emergency/Important Papers in the Firebox
18: Clean Out Kid's Closets
19: Make Chalkboard for the Kitchen          It looks so cute!
20: Create and Area for the Kid's Artwork      Did it! 
21: Stencil Wall in Living Room  Almost done...sorta...maybe soon...I think???
22: Create a Workout Routine
23: Finish Family Yearbooks on Snapfish     ummm...no, but there's still time
24: Pay off Student Loans!! Woohoo! (I'm so taking a pic of my smiling face with the last payment in my hand!)  ALMOST...soon!!
25: Volunteer more in the community I did! :) 
26: Have Dad teach me how to build stuff...gotta learn if I am gonna be a Pinterest Pro  Kinda did that
27: Go out of my way to encourage others (a good reason to hit up sendoutcards.com/alane )
28: Finish Reading the 5 Love Languages for Kids and begin to fluently speak my kiddo's love language
29: Pray Psalm 91 over my husband and his men every night  Did it, still doing it...won't stop doing it!
30: Clean car thoroughly!
31: Keep my car nice and tidy (yeah..that's gonna be a hard one...but I'm on my way!)  Sorta doing it...it's kind of a work in progress thing...lol

My First Court Appearance

I had my first court appearance nearly two weeks ago--it's taken me this long to blog about it 'cause frankly I was totally embarrassed! The whole thing was a misunderstanding really. 

Here's the story: my driver's license was apparently suspended--stop judging me, it was an accident; I didn't know, honestly! Literally the first week I had moved to Tennessee I got a ticket for pulling a U-Turn, in and area that totally did not have a sign posted saying that I couldn't pull a U-ey! Not fair! So...I got a ticket, forgot to pay it on time because I am a crazy Mom/Army Wife/Community Volunteer, and the great state of Kentucky suspended my license. Upon hearing this news, I quickly paid the ticket and thought life was peachy once more, UNTIL my wreck happened over a month ago. Yes, yes...hearing that you have been driving on a suspended license after you have just been in a car wreck is pretty devastating and pretty much a big bunch of horrible. Visions of jail-time flashed before me and I literally burst in to tears all but begging the officer not to arrest me or at least let me call someone to come get my daughter. Fortunately, Mr. Policeman was MUY BIEN nice, and just gave me a court date saying "You HAVE to appear!" in a crazy deep voice.

So I appeared. I rehearsed my story to present to the judge. I printed out a copy of my driving history proving that my license had been reinstated--I had to pay the great state of KY $40 to get my license activated again; $40!! Can you believe that? Do you know how many Chai Tea Lattes I could have indulged myself with for $40?  Ten! That's how many! So...back to my story.  I dressed in my court best, placed paper towels underneath my armpits to absorb the nervous sweat--I sweat like a beast when I'm nervous-- and walked into my first court room. It was a humbling and somewhat crushing feeling. I sat on a bench with other "offenders." Ugh...I felt criminal! Names were called. The people rose and stood in a line to await their moment in front of the Judge. Not only was I embarrassed to be there, but I was embarrassed for the people as the judge read aloud each person's offense. His voice boomed--he could have at least whispered.  "Drug charges," "domestic violence," "DUI, "violating parole " and a few driving violations. The Judge's word was sovereign--no one dared to argue with his sentence, or to speak when he was speaking. They were careful to address him as "sir" or "your honor."  Respect--it's what he demanded and what he received. 

I couldn't help but to be nervous! This man had the power to change my life for the worst! My name was called--that's a sinking feeling. I stood in line, waiting, sweating, rehearsing what I was going to say to make the Judge understand that this had all been a misunderstanding, and that's when the thought hit me. One day I will stand in front of God...we will all stand before Him--The Supreme Judge who demands honor, and who is worthy of all honor. Will my knees be knocking? Will I be preparing my excuses and explanations? No matter what the explanation, what the excuse, the truth would be, just like the truth was standing in front of this very human judge, was that I was guilty. No explanation changes the fact that I was guilty, and there will be no excuse for me, but one.  When I stand in front of God, guilty of breaking His laws, the only thing that will save me is Jesus. As He reads aloud what I have been accused of and asks me how I plead, I can say "Not guilty, only because of the blood of Jesus."

However, on this day, I wasn't in front of God, and when the Judge read my charge and asked how I pleaded, I had no one else to cover my hiney and I had to say "Guilty, your honor." He asked if I had handled the situation. I assured him I had, and then he just dismissed me as he called the next name. I stood, frozen for a second, expecting something else--advice, a wave, "don't do it again," something! This whole scenario played out in seriously under 60 seconds! I had just been judged and SET FREE! I had been dismissed! While I was completely elated, I couldn't help but feel for those who had not been as fortunate as I. There were others who would be spending many months and years in jail for their crime, and I couldn't help but wonder if they were believers. Who would reach them with the hope of Christ? Did they commit their crimes because they had no hope? How can I share the hope that I have with them?

I left the courthouse that day with a different perspective of God and a hearty dose of great respect for Him. My view of "criminals" had been altered too. Walking out of the courtroom doors, I found a place to discretely throw the soggy, sweat soaked paper towels under my armpits away, and pondered how I could make an impact of those are behind bars. Any suggestions? 

Must Read: Be Still My Soul by Joanne Bischof

Not that I have loads of time to just sit down and read at will, but I'm telling you, this book was worth the effort I took to find the time to read it!  I give Joanne Bischof's debut novel, Be Still My Soul a two thumbs up!

Through no fault of her own, Lonnie Sawyer has experienced many hard knocks in her short 17 years. Perhaps the most difficult hard knock to bounce back from was the unexpected and not at all desired/forced marriage between the town's "playboy,"  Gideon O'Reilly. Oh (I say shaking my index finger), but we Christians know that God works in the most mysterious ways, and the things others had  intended to harm us are the exact things God uses to bring about good! Beautifully written--the words create vivid scenarios that unfold before you at the turn of each page. The story, well, quite simply--it's captivating! I found myself staying up a little longer than I should have just to read a few extra pages, and of course I had to sacrifice a few mounds of clothes waiting to be folded, but it was essential that I finish! You will fall in love with Lonnie (and Gideon), and watch love grow in the least likely of places! Joanne Bischof, well done! When is the next book coming out?


PURCHASE YOUR COPY HERE!

 "I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review."



RELATED ARTICLES: 
The Theme of Your Life & Writers Conference Take-Away
A Captive Impsoter by Dawn Crandall: Book Review! 
A Fighting Faith: Justified War from a Biblical Perspective

ABOUT HANNAH: 
Hannah Conway is a military wife, mother of two, and speaker. Her novels are a deployment experience of their own, threaded with faith, and filled with twists and turns sure to thrill, and encourage. Hannah is a member of the American Christian Fiction Writers, and My book Therapy. She and her family live in Tennessee

( A / IBook /BN / K )

CLICK the Links Below The Image to Download Your eCopy of WEDDING A WARRIOR!